FEARS

They said fear have two meanings-

1. forget everything and run 
2. face everything and rise

So tell me what are you afraid of?
Please not oblivion ! :P

Well my fear(s) is a secret. However, i'm gonna expose few that i find reasonable and beneficial for public readings.

I'm not good in expressing how i feel. Most of the time i would keep those few little things that break me and when it's too heavy i can't afford to lift any longer, i would actually burst in tears. I'm not sure if i had a 'trust issue' or what, but i find it really really hard to open up with anyone. Maybe because i really hate sympathy and i hate being silently judged! so i guess my biggest fear is the fear of being scrutinized.

and i guess the downside of feeling this way or having this fear is that you cannot be yourself. You fit in even when you know you're not being yourself fully. if you keep feeding the fears, you lose yourself. as how i am sometimes. and i hate that part of me.

I always find myself staring at the mirror at night. looking deeply into the mirror . wondering how come i've grown up so fast. and seeing all the friends are getting married and having children i feel like running backward over time. It is said that "age is an issue of mind over matter,if you don't mind, it doesn't matter" . So why am i crashing the keyboard trying to tell you guys that i MINDD!? i mind getting old.  Being a lady, you have a 'time lapse'. and trust me it's killing you . so my second fear, they called it Gerascophobia. It is to have an unnatural fear of aging.

Not good because if you're having this kind of fears, you'll see the past as a regret. u feel like you haven't do this or that. u end up feeling like there's not enough time to do so many things. but u never realize all the small things u've done in your life. such a waste isnt it? to be worried when actually death can come at early age even before aging. omg. i should stuff this opinion to my own brain! hehe. ok umphh 😅😅😅😅😅😅

Next is... i had a fear of watching Malay ghost story or movie. anything but not Malay's ghost stories or Asian's ghost movies. WHY?? because they're nearer. the ghost are nearer . so i feel like they're coming for me and i can't stop having the picture of them in my mind. em.. american's ghosts are far away they can't come and get me. wth. (??) 😥😰😅😅😓

And lastly - the fear of future. it is so vague. and the uncertainty of the future scares the hell out of me. What if i'm suppose to study medical for 5 years and i died during the second year. isn't it scary.? like u can do hell a lot of thing in 2 years than wasting your short life with a constant brain torture. well, we Muslims believe in qada & qadar. The word qada' means perfection and completion, and the word qadar means evaluating and planning. In a simple understanding, everything that happened in your life will happen the way they are meant to and the way they are created. it is not my place to question this. and it wasn't my intention to question. but all i wanna say is that the future scares me so much because there's a lot of "what if" .

i think i need to stop with all these ramblings. see you in the next post

love, amimy

Throwback #part1

There are not enough friendship quotes to describe how wonderful it is to have you girls around me the whole one year in Penang. Our time together is just never quite enough. Knowing all of you is not a big thing but it's a million little things. *nangis2 rindu peluk kiss. Thank you hanem, syafiqa ija . Thank you azureen , nisa, marie and cat too . lots of love. 

xoxo, amimy

#LYFB

"you said that your love is fading.. but love doesn't go anywhere. It was either there or it wasn't. I don’t think your love was ever really there for me. Me on the other hand, well I was never really good at letting go, and if I go searching, I still find my love for you... "

Hentikan pencabulan Bahasa!

Assalamualaikum semua.

Hari ini saya nak tulis blog post pertama saya sepenuhnya dalam BM. Sebenarnya jika anda semua dengar saya cakap dalam bm bunyi dia taklah sebaku ni. Bagi saya, sesetengah perkataan lagi mudah ditulis dlm English dari BM. BM saya hanya hebat kalau nak suruh tulis karangan shj, jadi bila tulis benda panjang2 (macam sekarang) rasa macam tulis karangan. Jadi, otak terus auto-tune kepada mode baku! HAHA. Tapi JANGAN RISAU! kerana saya akan cuba dengan sedaya upaya nya untuk tulis dlm nada yg paling rileks. hehe

Ramai yang berfikiran sendat dan sempit berpendapat bahawa, mereka yang tidak bertutur atau menulis dlm bahasa melayu adalah golongan yang 'perasan' dan 'tidak sedar diri ' .Tapi, bagi saya,  bahasa adalah sesuatu yang indah dan tidak patut dicemari dengan penggunaan singkatan yang melampau mahupun penambahan huruf yang melampau. 

contoh nya : 

(sumber gambar dari google)

Singkatan sepatutnya memudah kan. tapi singkatan 'dia' jadi 'dea' tidak membantu mengurangkan patah perkataan dan sama sekali tak membantu jika mak saya yg tolong bacakan mesej saya masa saya tgh bawa kereta.

Beberapa minggu lepas, saya terjumpa beberapa gambar di laman twitter saya . Dan saya amat teruja untuk berkongsi dengan anda semua di sini. hikhik :D  . Nah!

Untuk tatapan anda semua : Nilai puisi pada tahun 2014

(sumber gambar : https://twitter.com/piargh/media)

Jika serendah ini nilai puisi melayu, sekarang juga saya boleh tulis puisi "saya bosan. lalu saya tidur"

Apa yang saya lihat dalam norma segelintir remaja kini (tak semua seperti ini. mohon jangan terasa kalau tak buat), jika kita pilih untuk bertutur atau menulis sesuatu dlm English, kita akan dinilai sebagai seorang 'melayu lupa daratan/ perasan/ tak ingat cara ckp melayu dah  ke?/ dll.. TETAPI jika kita menjalani kehidupan cara barat seperti minum/berparti/ dll, kita dipandang hebat atau 'cool' (???) . 

-TAMAT-

This is my extra thought which i find it hard to put them in BM (in a polite way). Because Malaysians know how rude it may sound lashing out in BM than English . Even if i tried, it doesn't give me the ultimate pleasure of expressing what i feel. So here we go :

As a pure Malay, i know when i speak in BM i put a lot of 'e' at most of the place where 'a' belong. for example "saya turns to be saye" . but when it comes to writing, it gives a crippling affliction to my nervous system seeing how ugly it looks like on the blank paper. Maybe because u can use English without changing the spelling and still deliver your message in an informal tone but you can't do that when writing in BM. or maybe someone else can, but not me. i'm sorry.

I believe that everyone have their own way to express how they feel. and i would rather speak in English with some grammar error than writing in BM and developing my own kind of words and ruin the whole beauty of Bahasa Melayu.

This is just my humble opinion which i do not wish to suck down to your throat. But to everyone who's reading, PLEASEEE stop torturing my mom's brain. she finds it hard to read some tutorial text that she had google-ed because you guys just have to improvise every single Malay words and it's torturing to actually translate your mess!

Peace be upon us all. 

Exhausted

Hi everyone. or anyone out there who's reading..

my last post was on November 8th, 2012. wow.. 2 years had passed. i miss blogging so much . so many things had happened since the past 2 years . most of them was only bad experience which i don't think i would wanna share it here. but things are getting better now. i really do not know where to start or what should i say or share that would give benefit to anyone who's reading

have you ever thought that if one thing hadn't happened, a whole set of things never would've either?

sometimes i wish few things never would have happened. sometimes i wish i never did things i did. sometimes i wish i never met a certain people. some people would say things like "things happened for a reason" or "everything will be ok" or " u'll be fine" .. but the truth is nobody understand how u feel except yourself. nobody can heal you except yourself . telling others how you feel might help lessen the burden but at the end of the day you alone hold and carry the whole loads alone. understanding is the first step to acceptance, and only with acceptance can there be recovery. i understand and i accept whatever that happened to me, but too bad, recovery wont take a day when the wound is too deep. the pain might go away soon but the scar will always be there and you will never forget how painful it was before the scar.

******

ive been working in a place that had the worst shift ever and i really can't wait to resign. Then i happened to know few people that really are a pain in the ass with the worst attitude. Next, got stuck in a relationship that was ridiculously complicated and undefined. so basically all i could say in my first post is that i am physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted. and i'm sory that you have to read this. (whoever that is reading) i'm sory if it's not constructive. i just had so much on and i feel like writing. above are my own self motivation in disguise of how destructive i felt right now.

regards, mimy


the thing about pain, it demands to be felt -The fault in our stars

Current sickness..!

hi friends...!
it's been a while.. i miss blogging..so SOO much..!!
urm.. i kinda lost.
technically, i wrote my blog in english to improve my writting skill..
& since i haven't been writting for quite sometime., so i really am lost of words.
ok ok.. lets proceed..

Do you girls know that feeling when you walk into a store, want to buy everything in site,
just to realize that you don't have money & walk out empty-handed..?
well, i know so much how it feel. it's killing us inside & GUYS JUST DON'T GET IT.
20 years of living & never a time that i didn't love shopping.
For me, i love the feeling of purchasing new things & at times., i'm just super excited that i feel like wearing them straight away.

My shopping addiction probaly goes hand-in-hand with the fact that i have no responsibility with money whatsoever. it's not like my family is swimming with cash, but money has always just sort of been there. plus i'm the youngest in the family.. so i don't really have to think much each time i spend my money over something.
i always think that i'm a savvy shopper, but that thought had twist around after i start working in Zara.  maybe because now that i earn my own money ., so i don't have to hear questions & constant nagging from family each time i wanna spent..

price or brands doesn't really matter for me.i buy things at petaling street or uptown too.
i don't really know how to define expensive.., because even if the price is not worth, as long as i like the things., everything will be consider cheap.
this shopping madness is indeed killing me.

here's the thing: shopping make me feel better.
sometimes, even with window shoping i feel so happy.
it's like a stress therapy for me.
just that i don't do window shopping anymore since i always have money now. which i consider as a problem cause i will never learn saving.
now that i'm working in a place full of clothes, bags and shoes, NOTHING STOP ME
it's just safe to say that majority of my paycheck goes towards buying myself things i don't need..!

Each time i bring home a shopping bag,i'll hide them inside the car. if my mom find out .she'll kill me
.the thing is that i can't hide them forever.
so i'll made up stories telling her it's a gift from a friend, or i got it half price. HAHA.
i know. i know. it's just so irresponsible. but there's nothing i could do to help.

Last week me & friend went shopping at H&M . the new shopping outlet in lot 10. just opened recently. for those who havent't been there. YOU SHOULD. the garments or bags or shoes are updated & suprisingly, most of them have almost the same design as Zara, Topshop, Dorothy Perkins yet the price is much cheaper. like superb..! I bought a denim shirt with only RM 99 . if it was Zara, the price would be up to RM 179 or more. Well that's not the only thing i bought & not the only shop i went. but...,
sadly, i can't share everything about my shopping madness here.
we never know who read my blog. hihi.

this is google photo. i'm too excited that i forget to snatch the  picture

i know i'm being selfish & irresponsible. but it is very hard to say no to something you really love to do. one quesion : do smokers say no to smoking..? 

it really is a constant internal struggle in me trying to say 'NO'  when i want to go ahead and do it.

i'm just so.. sick right..? 

all i can say is i need someone or something that could help me battling with this shopping addiction. 

that's all a piece of thought and my very own experience about shopping : my current sickness which i just realize this few month while i'm away

actually there's so many things that had been happening to me this past few month like ;

-my house been robbed last hari raya aidilfitri

-i didn't enroll UIA last september for my degree year ( too much questions from all friends and family about this so i'll explain them in the next post. iA).
-My raya korban experience in hometown. (super awesome. like first time ever. i'll post them in the next entry)
-my current life since working in zara
-my friendship with this person
i think there's just so many things i would love to share. we'll see how it goes later.
love & regards, amimy (: